Sunday, November 23, 2008
Time seem to have slowed down for the past few days. Each hour, each minute seems so hard to pass.
I was right at the void deck but I didn't have the courage to call or go up. I start to question why I did not have the courage. Am I blaming myself for all that happen or I just dare not face the impending truth? I am unsure myself.
The emotions fluctuate more than the tides each day. I was happy for an hour, then sad. I was telling myself it is ok, the next moment I was falling down the bottomless pit of despair. I was strong for a while then bathed myself with melancholy the next. I told myself I can pull through, then the next moment I felt I am so weary and tired. Such ups and downs is draining..
I walked down the path recalling the numerous times we walked past this same route. I was eating the mango shaving. It tastes so shit, literally. I was forcing it down my throat and at many times I felt so like throwing out. It tasted different. The chill bit my tongue instead of stimulating me to euphoria like the last time. I realise something was missing.
I waited at the bus stop. I could see the scene on few mornings when we were waiting for bus there. It started to fade away. I find no strength to smile or laugh. My brain feels like it is dead or carrying a heavy load so heavy it doesn't wish to move. I daze and move like a zombie. I wish to sleep and just fall into slumber.
The day creep past like that. I was reminded of so many things.
whispers..10:11 PM
